I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
