We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
