I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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