i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
