Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
