Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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