the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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