I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
