Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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