the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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