Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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