Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize