yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
