Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize