I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sarcasm needs its own font
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
