I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
