love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize