Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
