What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize