stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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