Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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