I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
