And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
