I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
