Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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