That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
