We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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