Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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