apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
