The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
