On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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