she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was like eating out sand paper
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize