I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
