Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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