well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
