When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
