would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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