i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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