haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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