Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
