I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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