we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
