Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
