I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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