If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found puke in my bra..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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