Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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