even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
