Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
