I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize