If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
