I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
