worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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