it wasn't lemon gatorade
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
