at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
