Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
