Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
