so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
