how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there's paper in my vomit.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
