the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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