The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
