We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
