so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
