My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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