her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
