i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Even my vagina gasped.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
