New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she pinky promised me she was 18
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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