I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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