Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
