Umm I'm too high to move.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
