My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
