I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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