I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
